Twitter brought the funny tweet heat this week and I’ve got the evidence to prove it.
I used to think coffee was a grown-up drink. Then I thought alcohol was a grown up drink. Now I have finally achieved full enlightenment to understand that it is water that is the grown-up drink
— Alex Pettijohn (@98fireball) April 6, 2019
I just want to take a nap pic.twitter.com/MVcAQQuzVi
— Megan (@megan__coe) April 24, 2019
A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS:
Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe
Man #2: No it’s a chippy chip
— magdalena (@madisonbosil) April 21, 2019
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
My dad bought his laptop from a teen and refuses to remove the stickers pic.twitter.com/36bbmZgOsB
— Louis Keene (@thislouis) April 22, 2019
Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
Not a single soul on this Earth:
Not even their mom:
iNfLuEnCeR: “A lot of you have asked about my skin care routine…”
— Donovan (@cxcope) April 16, 2019
My favorite part of the internet is when a millionaire tries to sell you a course that teaches you how to be happy without money
— Tank.Sinatra (@GeorgeResch) April 19, 2019
How does a person not know what they want at a Starbucks in the year of our Lord two thousand and nineteen? ?
— Chris Geidner (@chrisgeidner) April 17, 2019
My daughter just asked me if the word encyclopedia comes from the word Wikipedia.
— hend amry (@LibyaLiberty) April 17, 2019
Hallelujah is such a beautiful song. I still remember the first time I heard it, in the soundtrack to Shrek
— sean maciel (@seanmaciel) April 16, 2019
just because i loved you at one point does not mean i will always love you… I am not Whitney Houston
— myra (@vibesofabitch) April 15, 2019
[getting a call from my dad]
dad: hey son. wanted to let you know that grandma fell while buying the ingredients for her famous chocolate cake and she’s not gonna make it
me: oh no
dad: yeah i’ll be making it instead
me: oh i thought you meant-
dad: because she’s dead
— royse (@Roysenotes) February 18, 2019
me sending an email: hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— gabriela tully claymore (@GabrielaJuneTC) April 8, 2019
h/t: RuinMyWeek
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