While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
I stay up at night wondering why my family is so disappointed in me and then I’m like “heh oh yah” pic.twitter.com/BiPkUCbRQ2
— Haley Willams (@halexwilli) September 20, 2019
computer science major schedule:
1. beep
2. boop
3. boop
4. bop
5. 100k salary— hope xcx (@hopifer) September 26, 2019
hey, it's me, every girl with a boyfriend on instagram. I call him "this dork" in the photo caption so you know we have a jokey playful relationship which means I'm allowed to brag about it without being too obvious about rubbing my joy in your face
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) September 27, 2019
Every single day I say to myself “just greet your coworkers in a normal way when you walk down the hall” and then every single time I see someone I somehow do this???? pic.twitter.com/fsFotOWolo
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) September 27, 2019
I swear to God my friend’s pet is actually a human in a cat form pic.twitter.com/9tJUJ174Fc
— G (@PEPSICKO) September 21, 2019
Sister got engaged this weekend and I dressed as a bush in the wilderness to watch/capture the moment. We are 1 yr apart.. why are our lives so different rofl pic.twitter.com/cE14RBZ9CL
— therese merkel (@theresemerkel) September 23, 2019
everyone needs to see how great my staff is pic.twitter.com/RjEPt7y4nC
— ana 🌵 (@serendipitouus) September 21, 2019
i just wanted to have a relaxing movie night pic.twitter.com/ZkZVsmvVa1
— Leena (@LeenaSalinas) September 21, 2019
I strive for the absolutely unhinged confidence of someone who uses cock instead of dick in casual conversation
— Celina Nikoo (@belledenuit_) September 23, 2019
You're all welcome pic.twitter.com/PBwLGckfeV
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) September 27, 2019
So in my roommates lab, one of her classmates has a service dog and apparently service dogs also have to wear lab gear &…
Y’all.. just look how cute this is pic.twitter.com/CWvYlh6trF
— Krista Fullerton(: (@kristaaaaaaa_) September 20, 2019
priest: do you promise to love your partner until cancel culture do you part?
bride: and I oop
groom: and I oop
priest: sksksksks tea I now prounounce you skinny legend and wife
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) September 20, 2019
i can only orgasm if a dude says “EA sports. It’s in the game” to me. and it has to be a good impression of the voice.
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) September 27, 2019
[tv] Rachael Ray: now it’s time to marry your pasta with your sauce—
Me: *sitting on my couch, chewing a handful of dry spaghetti* hahahaha HOLY MACARMONY
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) September 27, 2019
Me when I meet your new garbage boyfriend https://t.co/9xehkMIQ7W
— Sady Doyle (@sadydoyle) September 27, 2019
happy birthday gritty. i love you like a real person, not exactly as one loves an child or an animal, but as one yearns in one's gut for the feral spirit that children and animals share. i hope u tunnel under my house someday and eat my dreams. may you live infinitely!!! https://t.co/zV0vFxk475
— Rave Sashayed (@_sashayed) September 24, 2019
I went to a Hello Kitty Pop-Up today and there was a place to write down wishes and I found this pic.twitter.com/xKg5NPkmm6
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 24, 2019
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